I woke up with my face in the dirt. The sun was high in the sky and pounding, as was my head. My first hazy thought was that I must have gotten drunk again and wandered out into the middle of nowhere. But where exactly was nowhere? I looked around but did not recognize my surroundings in the slightest. There was the aforementioned dirt, of course, as well as grass stretching as far as I could see. Off in the distance I could make out a thick line of tall trees. It really was the middle of nowhere. How in the hell did I get here?

I languidly wiped damp earth from my cheek, and then, while rubbing the heel of my hand against my temple, I looked up with squinting eyes towards the brightness above. There were barely any clouds in the blue sky and based on the sun’s position I guessed that it must be around noon. And it was damn hot. The heat was bearing down, and I could feel a damp layer of sweat across my skin from my unconscious time underneath the morning sun.

Dazed, I sat there immobile under the weight of the dense heat, losing track of time as I struggled to recall how I got there. The day before… I seemed to recall digging for something… Yes, we had been working on an excavation. And we found something. But what did we find? I vaguely recalled everyone gathering later on that night, presumably celebrating over whatever it was we had unearthed. But after that, things weren’t just vague, they were a total blank. How much did I drink? That was surely the only explanation. It must be.

A sudden, almost animalistic urge to move jolted me out of my stupor. I stood up and my body began to shudder. Against any will of my own, my body threw itself headlong to the left and I splashed limply on my side against the solid ground. I started to rise, but before I could get all the way up, my body cast itself forward, landing with my face once again in the dirt. I lay there for a moment in shock, quite bewildered and trying to grasp exactly what was happening. Until I unexpectedly began to spasm, violently rolling around uncontrollably on the ground, flinging my limbs every which way. This continued for some time and then, as quickly as it had started, the convulsions stopped, and I lay there drained both physically and mentally. And that’s when everything faded to black.

I have no idea how long I lay there, but I seem to recall, while I was out, experiencing a dream of flying. As though I had been lifted up off the ground toward the heavens and borne through the sky like a feather by the wind, I drifted away from that unknown field out and away towards infinity. I listlessly envisioned passing by countless peculiar beings that seemed to have no awareness of my presence, unable to quite make out their foreign muffled conversations as they drifted by and passed on behind me. Abruptly, my flight seemed to be conducted into what seemed to be a sort of a tunnel, dark and stale, where the strange beings felt in some way closer and more immediate. Although I was drawn to listen upon their strange discussions, it was to no avail, as I was unable to decipher any of their cryptic murmurs.

When I awoke some time later, I think, I was… home? No. No, it wasn’t quite home, even though it somehow felt like it. There was something off. Something I couldn’t quite nail down. It looked like home and it felt like home, but it somehow wasn’t my home. Cautiously, I surveyed my surroundings, taking everything in. However, despite my nagging suspicions, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. It was like there was a tingle on the back of my neck telling me that something was just not right. I had an instinct come to me and chuckled as I reached over and ironically pinched my arm, knowing full well that I was undeniably already awake.

It occurred to me in the next moment that everything I was experiencing did not at all seem to align with the usual aftermath of a night’s hard drinking. No shit. So what then? I didn’t have an answer and I shrugged. I thought back, reaching into that fuzzy time before I first blacked out, for some explanation. Why were we celebrating? More to the point, what had we dug up? It felt as though if I could just stretch out my mind a litle further, I might touch upon the one tiny missing fragment that would bring enlightenment, but it was just barely out of reach. I wracked my brain, determined to piece together the broken splinters of everything that had happened. I sat, limp, and brooded in my frustration, staring at the floor. God, I sure could use a drink.

Abruptly, letting go of my irritation, I got up and rushed outside. I had an impulse to go for a drive. It occurred to me then that a litle road trip was always just the thing to clear my head. I got in the car, hit the gas, and took to the road. Under normal circumstances, I liked to consider myself a safe driver. But this time, something came over me and I just gunned it. Something, indeed. Waking up in strange places, losing control of my own body, lost memories… I let the overwhelming weight of my exasperation push the pedal to the floor. We were really going now. As the indistinguishable landscapes sped by, I felt my grip tighten on the wheel. I felt light, almost distant, as though I wasn’t even there. Deep down inside I was beginning to question who I even was anymore, and for that mater, if I even cared. The car now roaring along at full speed, I glanced out the window and, I could swear I saw someone. A child? There, by the side of the road, watching me. I looked back, and in that split moment, the car rolled.

The crash happened in an unbearably horrifying cinematic slow motion, every instant an eternity. As the car flipped and spun, I questioned how it was that I was perceiving of myself thinking complete and complex thoughts in such immediate and unexpected circumstances. I think I was screaming, but I wasn’t really there. I felt as though I was a silent viewer sitting in a theater watching the carnage play out in full glory in the big screen. I sarcastically wondered in which strange place I’d wake up in next. With a final harsh bounce on the concrete, the car was thrown forward one last time and skidded upside down until it abruptly came to a screeching stop on the pavement.

I'm not exactly sure how I made my way out of that crumpled wreckage. What's more, I was astonished to find that I had somehow come out entirely unscathed, with barely a scratch on me. I looked back at the remains of the car in wonder, then picked myself up and started to make my way home – wherever or whatever that was.

I was starting to get agitated, increasingly angry at myself and angry at my bewildering situation – angry at the very universe. What am I even doing? This isn't me. I had a peculiar sensation as though I was somehow someone else. It struck me that this felt eerily similar to the discomfort I'd felt in the home that wasn't quite my own. Confusion and the disquieting mystery were piling up, grating on my nerves. My thoughts whirled about frantically, working me up until I reached a point of smoldering irritation, at my wit’s end.

Ahead of me, I saw a crowd of people – the first people I'd seen all day. I could hear the rumble of muffled shouting, but frustratingly, I couldn't make out exactly what they were doing. My initial thought was that it was some sort of riot. But as I grew closer, I realized that this wasn't a riot – it was an all-out brawl, with everyone fighting anyone within reach. As I neared the raging crowd, the knot of anger in my stomach tightened, each shout I heard like a flick on a raw nerve. I'm not exactly sure what came over me, but at that moment, all my exasperation reached a seething crescendo. I rushed forward in a blind rage, hurling myself right into the center of the batle.

Before I could even land my first blow, someone socked me hard in the stomach. The pain almost felt good and awakened a frenzy within me. I lashed out – punching and kicking anyone who crossed my path, receiving the same in return. Within what seemed like only an instant, I was aware of the metallic taste of blood in my mouth, evoking the aura of an old, familiar friend. I was quickly lost in the mounting chaos of arms and legs and grunts and yells, no longer really conscious or thinking, becoming one with the senseless fray. There in the center of all that fury, I felt transcendent. Lost in that moment, I was free of all worry and concern, free of my past and any obstinate circumstances. I felt someone haphazardly grab for my neck and, turning towards them, could barely even make out a face. I headbuted them viciously across the bridge of their nose, instantly inciting a spray of red splatering across both of our faces. As they fell to the ground grasping at their fresh wound, my forehead began to gush as well, with a steady stream of blood flowing down into my eyes. Then, literally seeing red, I looked down at them, as they turned to look back up at me, and I saw my own bloody reflection in their crimson mask of a face. In that moment, I paused to take in my surroundings and saw that the conflict was finally coming to an end. Carelessly wiping the blood and sweat from my eyes, I turned, and stumblingly made my way out of what was left of the mayhem.

I’m not sure how, but I somehow made it home, or at least what was passing for it in that moment. Exhausted, batered, and bruised, I rested while contemplating all that had befallen me. I realized with some surprise that in all the excitement I had somehow almost forgotten all the questions and unsolved mysteries that had arisen since I had first awakened in that empty field. I still didn’t have any answers – far from it – I only had more questions. I just don’t get it. As I lay there, trying to make some sort of sense of it all, I must’ve drifted off to sleep and down into dream. I dreamt back to the excavation, seeing myself there, digging down in that hole. What was I looking for?

I was reeled into consciousness by a sensation not unlike running. I became aware that I was roaming into a new part of what I was still thinking of as “home”, an area that still rang of home, whatever that now meant, but was strikingly unfamiliar. There were different colors and shapes, almost as if an inverse of the home I had just known. And I felt different, almost… happy? Carefree? Certainly, a contrast to the gamut of emotions I had been juggling not so long ago. My body felt light. All the damage and pain from the brutal street fight seemed to have faded away. In fact, my body felt great, almost ethereal. As I delved deeper into this mysterious new space, the lighting dimmed, and I soon came to realize that I wasn’t alone there.

“You’re new here,” came a mesmerizing voice from somewhere nearby.

I turned and looked in the direction of the echoing words, but there was no one there.

“I’m right over here,” echoed from right behind me. I spun around and took in the figure that stood before me. With a strangely alluring presence, I found my gaze drawn up so that I was looking into a pair of eyes that instantly drew me in and made me forget all my previous concerns.

“Hello,” the lips spoke. “You look lonely.” A smooth hand came up, reaching out to tenderly caressed my cheek.

Uncertain, I offered forth a hesitant grin. Seeing it mirrored by an effortlessly disarming curve of the lips, my own expression warmed into genuine smile.

“I’ve been waiting for you. And now you’re here,” the voice echoed soothingly. “How delightful.” Entranced, I did not resist when the hand reached out and took my own. It was soft and warm and somehow familiar, and I appreciated the touch. “Come with me,” I heard, and the hand gave a gentle tug and the body turned to go. Unable to refuse, I limply followed, allowing myself to be led. The figure moved slowly with a fluid grace that was at once both unsetling and enchanting. I was inexplicably drawn to the form before me and found myself wondering exactly why. Internally I hesitated, but my body was succumbing as if through its own innate instinct.

I was led to an adjacent room that was comfortably furnished and had a calm, inviting atmosphere. The figure turned to face me, leaning in, and whispered, “I’m so glad you’re here.” The head reached forward and up, allowing the lips to place a soft kiss on my forehead. In that moment, I felt the pangs of an almost overwhelming serenity, accompanied by a synonymous anxiety that this feeling might ever be vanquished. Then came the warm tickle of a breathy whisper in my ear, “Will you kiss me?”

The arms unfurled to envelop me affectionately in a soft embrace. Unable or maybe unwilling to resist, I reciprocated, leaning in to kiss those waiting lips. I lost myself, as we kissed for what seemed like an eternity. In that never ending moment, I had the bizarre notion that it felt like a car crash. I let go of any hesitation and surrendered myself to the inevitable, disappearing into the kiss.

In the next abrupt moment, I inexplicably found myself ripping away from the tender grasp. My body once again out of control, I flew back, falling, and slid across the ground. I then suddenly convulsed and began writhing there on the floor, limbs flailing about wildly. My mind was awash with racing, contradictory thoughts – an unquietable seething rage, and at the same time a calm questioning curiosity trying to understand just what was going on. It felt like a strange duel of personalities was waging within my mind and played out in the real world by my shuddering body. I began to fear that my body might tear itself apart, as the seizures and internal batle each reached a rhyming crescendo. As I slammed violently against the ground for the last time, I had the sensation of something shatering in a way that could never be repaired. I realized that I was now totally alone and lay there on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, a broken and unthinking empty vessel, until I lost consciousness one final time.

I woke up with my face in the dirt. Or so it felt. It was so dark I couldn’t even make out my surroundings. Wherever I was, it was warm and damp. There was a subtle odor of rot and decay. I had the inexplicable perception of being deep underground. As litle sense as that made, anything seemed possible after everything else I’d been through. I was unable to move. I could only lie there, staring up into the infinite blackness, and think. The whirlwind of emotions I had previously experienced not so long before had vanished and my mind was calm. I had no idea what might come next, and I no longer cared.

So, I lay there in that warm darkness, allowing my thoughts to wander freely on into infinity – often finding myself coming back to the now eternal question: what exactly was it down there in that hole?