[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":2297},["ShallowReactive",2],{"shelves":3,"genres":22,"doors":55,"breadcrumb:\u002Fon-waking":67,"work:\u002Fon-waking":69,"works:list":167},{"id":4,"extension":5,"items":6,"meta":19,"stem":20,"__hash__":21},"shelves\u002Fdata\u002Fshelves.yml","yml",[7,11,15],{"key":8,"title":9,"icon":10},"apps","Apps","lucide:stethoscope",{"key":12,"title":13,"icon":14},"software","Code","lucide:braces",{"key":16,"title":17,"icon":18},"papers","Papers & credits","lucide:file-text",{},"data\u002Fshelves","jMVEWcFL6kYqxnkAkxNyQZYtCo0X0CySjt_AnCr3B60",{"id":23,"extension":5,"items":24,"meta":52,"stem":53,"__hash__":54},"genres\u002Fdata\u002Fgenres.yml",[25,30,35,40,44,48],{"key":26,"title":27,"icon":28,"shape":29},"artwork","Artwork","lucide:brush","gallery",{"key":31,"title":32,"icon":33,"shape":29,"mosaic":34},"photography","Photography","lucide:aperture",true,{"key":36,"title":37,"icon":38,"shape":39},"poetry","Poetry","lucide:feather","reading",{"key":41,"title":42,"icon":43,"shape":39},"ramblings","Ramblings","lucide:book-open",{"key":45,"title":46,"icon":47,"shape":29},"me","It's Me!","i-ion:person-sharp",{"key":49,"title":50,"icon":51,"shape":39},"dreams","Dreams","i-iconmind:dream-outline-regular",{},"data\u002Fgenres","fqhALPJfVjXMZCXXNtCO6a88lnTI9nJOaElwr5xyPDQ",{"shelves":56,"genres":60},[57,58,59],{"key":8,"title":9,"icon":10},{"key":12,"title":13,"icon":14},{"key":16,"title":17,"icon":18},[61,62,63,64,65,66],{"key":26,"title":27,"icon":28,"shape":29},{"key":31,"title":32,"icon":33,"shape":29,"mosaic":34},{"key":36,"title":37,"icon":38,"shape":39},{"key":41,"title":42,"icon":43,"shape":39},{"key":45,"title":46,"icon":47,"shape":29},{"key":49,"title":50,"icon":51,"shape":39},{"title":68,"genre":41,"shelf":-1},"on waking",{"id":70,"title":68,"body":71,"created":157,"edgy":158,"extension":159,"genre":41,"meta":160,"navigation":34,"page":34,"path":161,"seo":162,"state":163,"stem":164,"__hash__":165,"collection":166,"shelf":-1,"kind":166},"writing\u002Fon-waking.md",{"type":72,"value":73,"toc":153},"minimark",[74,78,81,84,87,90,93,96,99,102,105,108,111,114,117,120,123,126,129,132,135,138,141,144,147,150],[75,76,77],"p",{},"I woke up with my face in the dirt. The sun was high in the sky and pounding, as\nwas my head. My first hazy thought was that I must have gotten drunk again and\nwandered out into the middle of nowhere. But where exactly was nowhere? I looked\naround but did not recognize my surroundings in the slightest. There was the\naforementioned dirt, of course, as well as grass stretching as far as I could\nsee. Off in the distance I could make out a thick line of tall trees. It really\nwas the middle of nowhere. How in the hell did I get here?",[75,79,80],{},"I languidly wiped damp earth from my cheek, and then, while rubbing the heel of\nmy hand against my temple, I looked up with squinting eyes towards the\nbrightness above. There were barely any clouds in the blue sky and based on the\nsun’s position I guessed that it must be around noon. And it was damn hot. The\nheat was bearing down, and I could feel a damp layer of sweat across my skin\nfrom my unconscious time underneath the morning sun.",[75,82,83],{},"Dazed, I sat there immobile under the weight of the dense heat, losing track of\ntime as I struggled to recall how I got there. The day before… I seemed to\nrecall digging for something… Yes, we had been working on an excavation. And we\nfound something. But what did we find? I vaguely recalled everyone gathering\nlater on that night, presumably celebrating over whatever it was we had\nunearthed. But after that, things weren’t just vague, they were a total blank.\nHow much did I drink? That was surely the only explanation. It must be.",[75,85,86],{},"A sudden, almost animalistic urge to move jolted me out of my stupor. I stood up\nand my body began to shudder. Against any will of my own, my body threw itself\nheadlong to the left and I splashed limply on my side against the solid ground.\nI started to rise, but before I could get all the way up, my body cast itself\nforward, landing with my face once again in the dirt. I lay there for a moment\nin shock, quite bewildered and trying to grasp exactly what was happening. Until\nI unexpectedly began to spasm, violently rolling around uncontrollably on the\nground, flinging my limbs every which way. This continued for some time and\nthen, as quickly as it had started, the convulsions stopped, and I lay there\ndrained both physically and mentally. And that’s when everything faded to black.",[75,88,89],{},"I have no idea how long I lay there, but I seem to recall, while I was out,\nexperiencing a dream of flying. As though I had been lifted up off the ground\ntoward the heavens and borne through the sky like a feather by the wind, I\ndrifted away from that unknown field out and away towards infinity. I listlessly\nenvisioned passing by countless peculiar beings that seemed to have no awareness\nof my presence, unable to quite make out their foreign muffled conversations as\nthey drifted by and passed on behind me. Abruptly, my flight seemed to be\nconducted into what seemed to be a sort of a tunnel, dark and stale, where the\nstrange beings felt in some way closer and more immediate. Although I was drawn\nto listen upon their strange discussions, it was to no avail, as I was unable to\ndecipher any of their cryptic murmurs.",[75,91,92],{},"When I awoke some time later, I think, I was… home? No. No, it wasn’t quite\nhome, even though it somehow felt like it. There was something off. Something I\ncouldn’t quite nail down. It looked like home and it felt like home, but it\nsomehow wasn’t my home. Cautiously, I surveyed my surroundings, taking\neverything in. However, despite my nagging suspicions, I just couldn’t put my\nfinger on it. It was like there was a tingle on the back of my neck telling me\nthat something was just not right. I had an instinct come to me and chuckled as\nI reached over and ironically pinched my arm, knowing full well that I was\nundeniably already awake.",[75,94,95],{},"It occurred to me in the next moment that everything I was experiencing did not\nat all seem to align with the usual aftermath of a night’s hard drinking. No\nshit. So what then? I didn’t have an answer and I shrugged. I thought back,\nreaching into that fuzzy time before I first blacked out, for some explanation.\nWhy were we celebrating? More to the point, what had we dug up? It felt as\nthough if I could just stretch out my mind a litle further, I might touch upon\nthe one tiny missing fragment that would bring enlightenment, but it was just\nbarely out of reach. I wracked my brain, determined to piece together the broken\nsplinters of everything that had happened. I sat, limp, and brooded in my\nfrustration, staring at the floor. God, I sure could use a drink.",[75,97,98],{},"Abruptly, letting go of my irritation, I got up and rushed outside. I had an\nimpulse to go for a drive. It occurred to me then that a litle road trip was\nalways just the thing to clear my head. I got in the car, hit the gas, and took\nto the road. Under normal circumstances, I liked to consider myself a safe\ndriver. But this time, something came over me and I just gunned it. Something,\nindeed. Waking up in strange places, losing control of my own body, lost\nmemories… I let the overwhelming weight of my exasperation push the pedal to the\nfloor. We were really going now. As the indistinguishable landscapes sped by, I\nfelt my grip tighten on the wheel. I felt light, almost distant, as though I\nwasn’t even there. Deep down inside I was beginning to question who I even was\nanymore, and for that mater, if I even cared. The car now roaring along at full\nspeed, I glanced out the window and, I could swear I saw someone. A child?\nThere, by the side of the road, watching me. I looked back, and in that split\nmoment, the car rolled.",[75,100,101],{},"The crash happened in an unbearably horrifying cinematic slow motion, every\ninstant an eternity. As the car flipped and spun, I questioned how it was that I\nwas perceiving of myself thinking complete and complex thoughts in such\nimmediate and unexpected circumstances. I think I was screaming, but I wasn’t\nreally there. I felt as though I was a silent viewer sitting in a theater\nwatching the carnage play out in full glory in the big screen. I sarcastically\nwondered in which strange place I’d wake up in next. With a final harsh bounce\non the concrete, the car was thrown forward one last time and skidded upside\ndown until it abruptly came to a screeching stop on the pavement.",[75,103,104],{},"I'm not exactly sure how I made my way out of that crumpled wreckage. What's\nmore, I was astonished to find that I had somehow come out entirely unscathed,\nwith barely a scratch on me. I looked back at the remains of the car in wonder,\nthen picked myself up and started to make my way home – wherever or whatever\nthat was.",[75,106,107],{},"I was starting to get agitated, increasingly angry at myself and angry at my\nbewildering situation – angry at the very universe. What am I even doing? This\nisn't me. I had a peculiar sensation as though I was somehow someone else. It\nstruck me that this felt eerily similar to the discomfort I'd felt in the home\nthat wasn't quite my own. Confusion and the disquieting mystery were piling up,\ngrating on my nerves. My thoughts whirled about frantically, working me up until\nI reached a point of smoldering irritation, at my wit’s end.",[75,109,110],{},"Ahead of me, I saw a crowd of people – the first people I'd seen all day. I\ncould hear the rumble of muffled shouting, but frustratingly, I couldn't make\nout exactly what they were doing. My initial thought was that it was some sort\nof riot. But as I grew closer, I realized that this wasn't a riot – it was an\nall-out brawl, with everyone fighting anyone within reach. As I neared the\nraging crowd, the knot of anger in my stomach tightened, each shout I heard like\na flick on a raw nerve. I'm not exactly sure what came over me, but at that\nmoment, all my exasperation reached a seething crescendo. I rushed forward in a\nblind rage, hurling myself right into the center of the batle.",[75,112,113],{},"Before I could even land my first blow, someone socked me hard in the stomach.\nThe pain almost felt good and awakened a frenzy within me. I lashed out –\npunching and kicking anyone who crossed my path, receiving the same in return.\nWithin what seemed like only an instant, I was aware of the metallic taste of\nblood in my mouth, evoking the aura of an old, familiar friend. I was quickly\nlost in the mounting chaos of arms and legs and grunts and yells, no longer\nreally conscious or thinking, becoming one with the senseless fray. There in the\ncenter of all that fury, I felt transcendent. Lost in that moment, I was free of\nall worry and concern, free of my past and any obstinate circumstances. I felt\nsomeone haphazardly grab for my neck and, turning towards them, could barely\neven make out a face. I headbuted them viciously across the bridge of their\nnose, instantly inciting a spray of red splatering across both of our faces. As\nthey fell to the ground grasping at their fresh wound, my forehead began to gush\nas well, with a steady stream of blood flowing down into my eyes. Then,\nliterally seeing red, I looked down at them, as they turned to look back up at\nme, and I saw my own bloody reflection in their crimson mask of a face. In that\nmoment, I paused to take in my surroundings and saw that the conflict was\nfinally coming to an end. Carelessly wiping the blood and sweat from my eyes, I\nturned, and stumblingly made my way out of what was left of the mayhem.",[75,115,116],{},"I’m not sure how, but I somehow made it home, or at least what was passing for\nit in that moment. Exhausted, batered, and bruised, I rested while contemplating\nall that had befallen me. I realized with some surprise that in all the\nexcitement I had somehow almost forgotten all the questions and unsolved\nmysteries that had arisen since I had first awakened in that empty field. I\nstill didn’t have any answers – far from it – I only had more questions. I just\ndon’t get it. As I lay there, trying to make some sort of sense of it all, I\nmust’ve drifted off to sleep and down into dream. I dreamt back to the\nexcavation, seeing myself there, digging down in that hole. What was I looking\nfor?",[75,118,119],{},"I was reeled into consciousness by a sensation not unlike running. I became\naware that I was roaming into a new part of what I was still thinking of as\n“home”, an area that still rang of home, whatever that now meant, but was\nstrikingly unfamiliar. There were different colors and shapes, almost as if an\ninverse of the home I had just known. And I felt different, almost… happy?\nCarefree? Certainly, a contrast to the gamut of emotions I had been juggling not\nso long ago. My body felt light. All the damage and pain from the brutal street\nfight seemed to have faded away. In fact, my body felt great, almost ethereal.\nAs I delved deeper into this mysterious new space, the lighting dimmed, and I\nsoon came to realize that I wasn’t alone there.",[75,121,122],{},"“You’re new here,” came a mesmerizing voice from somewhere nearby.",[75,124,125],{},"I turned and looked in the direction of the echoing words, but there was no one\nthere.",[75,127,128],{},"“I’m right over here,” echoed from right behind me. I spun around and took in\nthe figure that stood before me. With a strangely alluring presence, I found my\ngaze drawn up so that I was looking into a pair of eyes that instantly drew me\nin and made me forget all my previous concerns.",[75,130,131],{},"“Hello,” the lips spoke. “You look lonely.” A smooth hand came up, reaching out\nto tenderly caressed my cheek.",[75,133,134],{},"Uncertain, I offered forth a hesitant grin. Seeing it mirrored by an\neffortlessly disarming curve of the lips, my own expression warmed into genuine\nsmile.",[75,136,137],{},"“I’ve been waiting for you. And now you’re here,” the voice echoed soothingly.\n“How delightful.” Entranced, I did not resist when the hand reached out and took\nmy own. It was soft and warm and somehow familiar, and I appreciated the touch.\n“Come with me,” I heard, and the hand gave a gentle tug and the body turned to\ngo. Unable to refuse, I limply followed, allowing myself to be led. The figure\nmoved slowly with a fluid grace that was at once both unsetling and enchanting.\nI was inexplicably drawn to the form before me and found myself wondering\nexactly why. Internally I hesitated, but my body was succumbing as if through\nits own innate instinct.",[75,139,140],{},"I was led to an adjacent room that was comfortably furnished and had a calm,\ninviting atmosphere. The figure turned to face me, leaning in, and whispered,\n“I’m so glad you’re here.” The head reached forward and up, allowing the lips to\nplace a soft kiss on my forehead. In that moment, I felt the pangs of an almost\noverwhelming serenity, accompanied by a synonymous anxiety that this feeling\nmight ever be vanquished. Then came the warm tickle of a breathy whisper in my\near, “Will you kiss me?”",[75,142,143],{},"The arms unfurled to envelop me affectionately in a soft embrace. Unable or\nmaybe unwilling to resist, I reciprocated, leaning in to kiss those waiting\nlips. I lost myself, as we kissed for what seemed like an eternity. In that\nnever ending moment, I had the bizarre notion that it felt like a car crash. I\nlet go of any hesitation and surrendered myself to the inevitable, disappearing\ninto the kiss.",[75,145,146],{},"In the next abrupt moment, I inexplicably found myself ripping away from the\ntender grasp. My body once again out of control, I flew back, falling, and slid\nacross the ground. I then suddenly convulsed and began writhing there on the\nfloor, limbs flailing about wildly. My mind was awash with racing, contradictory\nthoughts – an unquietable seething rage, and at the same time a calm questioning\ncuriosity trying to understand just what was going on. It felt like a strange\nduel of personalities was waging within my mind and played out in the real world\nby my shuddering body. I began to fear that my body might tear itself apart, as\nthe seizures and internal batle each reached a rhyming crescendo. As I slammed\nviolently against the ground for the last time, I had the sensation of something\nshatering in a way that could never be repaired. I realized that I was now\ntotally alone and lay there on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, a broken\nand unthinking empty vessel, until I lost consciousness one final time.",[75,148,149],{},"I woke up with my face in the dirt. Or so it felt. It was so dark I couldn’t\neven make out my surroundings. Wherever I was, it was warm and damp. There was a\nsubtle odor of rot and decay. I had the inexplicable perception of being deep\nunderground. As litle sense as that made, anything seemed possible after\neverything else I’d been through. I was unable to move. I could only lie there,\nstaring up into the infinite blackness, and think. The whirlwind of emotions I\nhad previously experienced not so long before had vanished and my mind was calm.\nI had no idea what might come next, and I no longer cared.",[75,151,152],{},"So, I lay there in that warm darkness, allowing my thoughts to wander freely on\ninto infinity – often finding myself coming back to the now eternal question:\nwhat exactly was it down there in that hole?",{"title":154,"searchDepth":155,"depth":155,"links":156},"",2,[],"2023-10-30",false,"md",{},"\u002Fon-waking",{"title":68},"published","on-waking","IAKB8e4ResqRmRGO6WbPF4roWkVFAWLagynYM6UQMIY","writing",[168,181,190,199,206,214,221,232,241,248,258,267,274,282,288,297,307,316,326,337,346,351,360,369,378,383,391,401,407,412,419,430,439,450,459,467,476,486,493,502,510,521,530,541,549,558,564,576,582,592,600,607,616,622,633,643,652,664,676,684,692,703,708,716,724,733,743,751,759,768,775,785,795,804,814,823,829,837,843,851,859,869,879,888,898,907,915,924,933,942,952,962,972,982,992,1002,1012,1028,1039,1047,1055,1065,1075,1085,1092,1100,1111,1128,1136,1144,1151,1158,1165,1173,1181,1189,1197,1207,1216,1224,1231,1246,1257,1267,1275,1283,1292,1302,1309,1317,1327,1337,1346,1354,1361,1368,1375,1384,1394,1401,1408,1415,1422,1431,1441,1450,1459,1467,1475,1482,1489,1497,1507,1515,1523,1531,1540,1549,1558,1568,1576,1584,1592,1600,1607,1615,1622,1630,1637,1644,1652,1659,1666,1674,1681,1688,1696,1703,1710,1717,1724,1731,1739,1746,1753,1760,1768,1775,1782,1790,1797,1804,1811,1818,1825,1832,1839,1846,1854,1861,1868,1877,1884,1891,1898,1906,1913,1920,1928,1935,1943,1950,1958,1965,1972,1979,1985,1990,1996,2002,2012,2021,2028,2034,2039,2045,2051,2057,2063,2073,2083,2092,2102,2111,2120,2130,2138,2147,2155,2165,2175,2186,2197,2207,2216,2226,2235,2244,2249,2255,2261,2267,2273,2286,2291],{"title":169,"path":170,"stem":171,"created":172,"genre":31,"images":173,"description":179,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"The Skeleton House","\u002Fskeleton-house","photography\u002Fskeleton-house","2026-11-02",[174],{"src":175,"alt":176,"width":177,"height":178},"\u002Fmedia\u002Fskeleton-house.jpg","Halloween",8160,6128,"The Skeleton House, New Orleans, Halloween 2026","pictures",{"title":182,"path":183,"stem":184,"published":185,"credit":186,"venue":187,"page":34,"description":188,"collection":16,"shelf":16,"kind":189},"Can a General-Purpose Coding Agent Analyze a Production Hospital Data Warehouse?","\u002Fdata-warehouse-agent-2026","data-warehouse-agent-2026","2026-09","coauthor","medRxiv","medRxiv preprint evaluating a general-purpose coding agent against a production hospital data warehouse.","paper",{"title":191,"path":192,"stem":193,"created":194,"kind":195,"compact":158,"page":34,"related":196,"description":198,"collection":12,"shelf":12},"Legion","\u002Flegion-mcp","legion-mcp","2026-07-09","app",[197],"fhirhydrant","I am Legion, for we are many — multi-model LLM councils over MCP.",{"title":200,"path":201,"stem":197,"created":202,"kind":195,"compact":158,"page":34,"related":203,"description":205,"collection":12,"shelf":12},"fhirHydrant","\u002Ffhirhydrant","2026-06-10",[193,204],"fhirstarter","A FHIR MCP server — lets AI tools query a FHIR R4 backend safely.",{"title":207,"path":208,"stem":204,"created":209,"kind":210,"compact":158,"page":34,"related":211,"description":213,"collection":12,"shelf":12},"fhirStarter","\u002Ffhirstarter","2026-06","library",[212,197],"agljs","SMART on FHIR, the parts you keep rewriting.",{"title":215,"path":216,"stem":217,"created":218,"genre":49,"page":34,"passages":219,"collection":166,"kind":166},"Shakedown","\u002Fshakedown-dream","shakedown-dream","2025-11-13",[220],"I had a dream that my friends and I were going to start something like our own\nstreaming service.  It was winter. I think. We were scouting around this\nneighborhood after climbing over some ice. Looking for a place to do it and we\nfound this Tower. It was old and disused but it was also used for streaming or\nsomething.",{"title":222,"path":223,"stem":224,"created":225,"genre":45,"images":226,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"Satanic Planet (Zeitgeist)","\u002Fsatanic-planet-zeitgeist","me\u002Fsatanic-planet-zeitgeist","2025-08-30",[227],{"src":228,"alt":229,"width":230,"height":231},"\u002Fmedia\u002Fsatanic-planet-zeitgeist.jpg","PXL 20250831 023208441",3072,4080,{"title":233,"path":234,"stem":235,"created":236,"genre":45,"images":237,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"Hot Girls for Zohran","\u002Fhot-girls-for-zohran","me\u002Fhot-girls-for-zohran","2025-07-19",[238],{"src":239,"alt":240,"width":230,"height":231},"\u002Fmedia\u002Fhot-girls-for-zohran.jpg","PXL 20250720 010025965",{"title":242,"path":243,"stem":244,"created":245,"genre":49,"page":34,"passages":246,"collection":166,"kind":166},"Novelty Contest","\u002Fnovelty-contest","novelty-contest","2025-03-13",[247],"In my dream it was some sort of novelty contest. Where all these people\napparently had built weird novelty items. The one that was going presently was\nsome sort of instrument that they had made out of a human body that was all cut\nopen. So they were like I guess blowing on one end and you know like doing the\nfingering ",{"title":249,"path":250,"stem":251,"created":252,"genre":26,"images":253,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"Spider Source","\u002Fspider-source","artwork\u002Fspider-source","2025-02-20.1",[254],{"src":255,"alt":249,"width":256,"height":257},"\u002Fmedia\u002Fspider-source.jpg",2543,3275,{"title":259,"path":260,"stem":261,"created":262,"genre":26,"images":263,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"Return to Source","\u002Freturn-to-source","artwork\u002Freturn-to-source","2025-02-20",[264],{"src":265,"alt":259,"width":256,"height":266},"\u002Fmedia\u002Freturn-to-source.jpg",3292,{"title":268,"path":269,"stem":270,"created":262,"genre":26,"images":271,"collection":180,"kind":26,"page":158},"Spider King","\u002Fspider-king","artwork\u002Fspider-king",[272],{"src":273,"alt":268,"width":256,"height":257},"\u002Fmedia\u002Fspider-king.jpg",{"title":275,"path":276,"stem":277,"created":278,"genre":41,"page":34,"passages":279,"collection":166,"kind":166},"Shut Out","\u002Fshut-out","shut-out","2025-01-27",[280,281],"I'm thinking there's an inverse of when you never leave the house and you\nhaven't left your home in a long time. There's the amount of time it's been\nsince you've had someone as a guest in your home. I can't even remember the last\ntime I've had someone other than me and my cats in this apartment. I think maybe\nthe last","Everyone always talks about the implications of never getting out. But what\nabout never having anyone in?",{"title":283,"path":284,"stem":212,"created":285,"kind":210,"compact":158,"page":34,"related":286,"description":287,"collection":12,"shelf":12},"AGL.js","\u002Fagljs","2025-01-14",[204],"A small framework for Epic Active Guidelines integrations.",{"title":289,"path":290,"stem":291,"created":292,"genre":41,"page":34,"passages":293,"collection":166,"kind":166},"Religion","\u002Freligion","religion","2025-01-11",[294,295,296],"Imagine you have a date with a guy you've been seeing for a while and you really\nlike him. The time arrives and he doesn't show up. You wait and wait and you're\nwondering where he is. You call him and he doesn't answer. ","So you start to think that he's ditched you. 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